ACT II
(Mid 1990s to the Present
Day)
CHAPTER TWELVE
“What does ‘adopted’ mean, Daddy?” asked the little girl.
“It means, Pip, that mummy and I weren’t able to have
children the way other mummies and daddies do so we went out and chose you. We were lucky. Most people
get no say in what kind of children they have. They just have to accept what
God decides to give them. But Mummy and I were able to choose you and
that’s what’s called adopting. We adopted you, just like you adopted us.”
The toddler concentrated very hard. “So why didn’t God
want me?”
“Of course He wants you darling,” said the child’s
mother.
“Why did He give me away then?”
“It wasn’t like that, darling. Every child needs a
mummy and daddy to look after him or her. God can’t look after every child, so
He looks for people like Mummy and me to do the job for him,” said Nathan
Sparrow.
The child, Pip, was confused. “So why aren’t all
children adopted?”
“Because some children grow in their mummy’s tummy and
only come out when they’re ready to be born,” Jane Sparrow tried to explain.
“So why didn’t I grow in your tummy?” Pip wanted to
know.
“Because you’re special and God had other plans for
you, for us too,” said Nathan Sparrow.
“But now there’s a baby brother or sister for you growing
in my tummy,” said Jane with a wide smile.
“Are you going to keep it?”
Jane and Nathan Sparrow laughed aloud. “Yes darling,
we’re going to keep it!” cried Jane and tried to give Pip a big hug, but the
child pushed her away and ran out of the room.
Nathan made as if to follow her but his wife laid a
restraining hand on his arm. “Give her time to think about it. When she gets
used to the idea she’ll be as happy as we are, you’ll see. The less fuss we
make about the baby, the more natural it will all seem to her.”
“We shouldn’t have told her about the adoption, she’s
too young,” her husband murmured, frowning.
“You know what other children are like and she starts
school next week. Far better, surely, that she should hear it from us? A mother
at the nursery was asking me about it just the other day. It only takes one
child to hear the parents talking…”
“I suppose you’re right. But I’m going to her now
anyway. She needs a cuddle.”
“She needs to be left alone, Nathan. Even children
need their own space sometimes. She knows she can ask us anything she likes and
she will, you’ll see. If we make a big issue out of this so will she.”
“She’s a very sensitive child.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? She’s my daughter,
too, Nathan.”
“She needs her daddy and I’m not going to let her
down,” he insisted and almost ran out of the room. Jane listened to his
footsteps on the stairs, heard the creaky door of Pip’s room opening and
closing and wished her husband would, sometimes at least, credit her with some
common sense.
“Daddy…?” said Pip. She was sitting on her father’s
lap and enjoying the unexpected hugs and kisses.
“Yes, my darling?”
“When the new baby comes, will it live with us in our
house?”
“Of course….”
“Well, I don’t mind if it doesn’t. I mean, let it be adopted
like me. It’s got to be better to choose one you really, really, want than be stuck with what
comes out of Mummy’s tummy.”
“It’ll be alright, you’ll see,” Nathan Sparrow laughed
and gave his daughter another squeeze.
Pip wriggled in his grasp, flung both arms round his
neck and planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek. “I love you Daddy,” she sobbed.
“I love you, too, darling. Now, don’t cry, there’s
nothing to cry about. We’re going to be one big happy family…mummy, me, you and
baby…and it going to be wonderful, just you wait and see.”
Pip, though, was not reassured.
The child was a boy and they called him John. He was a
noisy, boisterous baby and toddler, always up to some mischief or other. Nor
had he changed much by the time he was eight years old. Jane and Nathan Sparrow
adored him. Pip would sometimes snap at him for constantly teasing her or going
into her room and playing with her things…or whatever, there was always
something. The Sparrows, Jane and Nathan both, did their best to explain how
this was what little brothers the world over loved to do, tease Big Sister. “He
only does it because he loves you,” Nathan would say.
“In that case, I wish he didn’t love me,” Pip would
invariably retort and find a quiet corner to sulk.
“Leave her, Nathan,” Jane would say at first, but
finally gave up trying to get him to see that Pip was only
attention-seeking. She did her best to
stop John teasing his sister so, but his only response was a cheeky grin few
people could resist.
“He’s a lovely lad. You must be so proud of him,” Mary
Pike, a next-door neighbour would often say. The Pikes had a son, Billy, only a
few months younger than John and the two boys were close friends.
An apple tree grew in the Pikes’ garden. As soon as
they were old enough to climb, there was no stopping the two boys in spite of
protests and recriminations from their parents. One sturdy branch stretched
almost to John Sparrow’s bedroom window and it did not take the boys long to
take advantage. On many an occasion, unbeknown to their parents, young Billy
would take the apple tree route to his best pal Johnny’s bedroom and the two
lads would delight in sharing a late night feast, usually comprising lemonade
and bars of chocolate, while they played a game of cards or Scrabble. Later,
Billy would clamber back down the tree and let himself in by a kitchen window
he was always careful to leave ajar. The very first time, he had let himself
out by the kitchen door, but when he returned, someone had locked it.
Fortunately, the downstairs toilet window had been left open, but that proved
to be a very tight squeeze, even for a small boy.
On the night of the fire, Billy let himself into
Johnny’s room in the usual way and the two boys passed a happy hour giggling
over various silly words they had laid out on the Scrabble board. There was no
school the next day, and it was nearly midnight before Billy left. He was
climbing down the tree when a light went on in the Sparrows’ sitting room. For
a minute or two he stayed put. But the curtains were drawn so where, he asked
himself, was the risk? He continued his descent until he was directly opposite
the window.
Through a chink in the curtains, he could just make
out Pip Sparrow. She was standing by the sofa, holding something, but he
couldn’t quite make out what until she raised a lighted cigarette to her lips.
Pip was smoking. The child’s eyes widened with a mixture of disbelief and
admiration. He watched, fascinated, as the girl removed the cigarette and
casually let it slip from her fingers. Puzzled now, Billy continued to watch
as,a sheet of flame caused Pip to jump backwards and beyond his line of vision.
He waited to hear her shout the alarm, scream even. But the only sound was that
of flames starting to roar and take hold with a rapidity that was as astonishing
as it was terrifying. The back door opened and Pip emerged in her nightdress.
She glanced behind her at the blazing building only once before moving slowly
to the side of the house and out of sight.
Billy’s only thought as he scrambled to the ground was
that he must get indoors and into bed before his parents realized he was
missing. They would be furious if they knew where he’d been. His heart began to pound against his chest so
hard it hurt. Barely had he carelessly discarded the outdoor clothes he’d
pulled on over his pyjamas earlier and jumped into bed when his father arrived
looking flushed and frantic.
Seizing Billy in his arms, Dan Pike tried to sound
reassuring. “We have to go outside, son. There’s a fire next door. It’s only a
precaution but…” They were already half way down the stairs and Billy could
make out his mother and sisters in the front garden, their faces lit up by a
weird glow. He could distant hear sirens too. A fire engine was on its way.
At the front door, a thought struck young Billy with
all the force of a sledgehammer. “Johnny!” he yelled, wriggled free of his
father and ran through the house into the back garden. Dan Pike ran after him
and scooped him up in the middle of the lawn. Two pairs of eyes darted
instinctively to the rear bedroom window of the blazing house. They saw John
Sparrow’s face pressed against the pane, his expression one of sheer terror.
“The tree,” Billy yelled, “Climb down the tree!”
“Billy’s right, son, get yourself out of
there…now!” Dan yelled.
But for reasons they would never know, the face at the
window vanished and never reappeared.
“Johnny!” Billy opened his mouth to yell again but,
try as hard as he might, could not utter a sound. Nor did he have any way of
knowing then that it would be years before he spoke again.
A crowd quickly gathered in the street to stare at the
burning house. The police arrived and began moving people back, away from the
roaring inferno. One officer told a young girl to move back for her own safety.
She did not even acknowledge his existence but continued to watch the house
burn, her mother and brother still inside.
“That’s Pip Sparrow,” a buxom woman in a dark blue
flowing dressing gown told the policeman. She followed his gaze to Pip’s face
and, like him, mistook the bright eyes and strained expression for signs of
shock.
As they led her away, Pip turned her head only once.
Fire-fighters had already turned their hoses on the blaze and she saw two of
them enter the building. It occurred to her that if they were hoping to rescue
anyone, it was already far too late for that.
Her father would be devastated. It would be up to her
to comfort him. Common sense, though, warned her to hide the smile of
satisfaction that sprung to her lips.
………………………………………..
Nathan Sparrow was more than devastated by the loss of
his wife and son; it left him an emotional cripple. Somehow he got through the
inquest, double funeral, a token wake at his parents’ house with everyone
tiptoeing around each other not knowing quite what to say and words like
‘sorry’ sounding bland, inadequate and making everything harder than ever to
endure. Endure it he did, though, if only for Pip’s sake. She was a little
treasure, a tower of strength, invariably acting the proper little hostess and
fussing over him like a mother hen. It was hard to believe that she would not
be a teenager for a few months yet. They had always been close but she seemed
to have grown up overnight whereas he could only go through the basic motions
of living, feeling like a zombie.
They stayed with his father until the insurance came
through and moved soon after into a new, smaller house only a few streets away
from the burnt-out shell of the old one. It was important, he thought, to give
Pip as much continuity as possible. Not that he gave it much thought if the
truth be told, but left most of the thinking to his father. The two men had
never been close, but they made an effort to get along passably well for Pip’s
sake.
The inquest verdict on Jane and young John had been
“accidental death” since it appeared that the probably cause of the fire was a
cigarette left smouldering in the through-lounge. How
could Jane have been so careless, so stupid, Nathan kept asking himself?
She had only recently given up smoking. Why
had she taken up the habit again so soon?
How could she have done that?
Had his going away on business for a couple days made any difference? Did she
miss him? Is that why she’d felt
compelled to smoke a cigarette? But that was no excuse. There was no excuse for what she’d done.
Much as he loved her, he had the most awful feeling that he would end up hating
her.
For two years, Nathan Sparrow got through the each day,
week, month, on autopilot. He’d get up, have breakfast with Pip, go to work,
come home, ask Pip about her day at school, go to bed, get up again - and so it
went on, a cycle of daily routine broken only by birthdays, anniversaries,
parent evenings at Pip’s school that his father always insisted he attend and
half-hearted attempts to make something of bleak, interminable Christmases.
Pip was his rock. Sometimes, when she thought he was
asleep, she’ creep into his bed and snuggle up close to him. He told himself he
hadn’t the heart to send her back to her own room, but the truth was her
presence was a comfort and he clung to it as a drowning man might cling to a
straw. But for her, he’d have upped and left, gone somewhere, anywhere, to get
away from memories that should have been happy ones, easier to bear with the
passing of time if practically everyone he spoke to were to be believed.
Instead, they became more, not less, nightmarish. It got so he could not sleep
until he knew Pip was there with him in the double bed he should have been
sharing with Jane. At the same time, he began to think less and less about
Jane, it was too painful. No family photographs had survived the fire. His
father had offered him some, but he’d refused them all but for a snap of
himself, Pip and Johnny enjoying a picnic on Hampstead Heath. Even so, it took
a superhuman effort on his part to all but obliterate the fact from his memory
that it was Jane who had taken the picture.
Then, out of the blue, he met Nina. She was reading a magazine and sitting
opposite the only seat available in a crowded café where he, too, had dived in
out of the rain. He only vaguely recognized her as someone he’d seen on TV. In some quiz show or other perhaps? It
struck him that Pip would be tickled pink if he were to get her autograph.
Completely out of character, he leaned across and whispered, “Excuse me, but do
you give autographs?”
The young woman looked up, smiling broadly, and he saw that
she was even prettier than he had at first thought. “Do you have a pen?”
“Err no…” he mumbled, feeling foolish.
“An autograph hunter without a pen has to be a first.” She
laughed and the sound was like a breath of fresh air on his face.
“It’s for my daughter,” he explained.
“And there was I thinking you were a devoted admirer who
hasn’t missed a single episode of my show,” she said, rummaging in her bag and
finally producing a biro.
The blank expression on his face sent her into more peals
of laughter as she reached for a paper serviette and scrawled her
signature. “You haven’t the faintest
idea who I am, have you?” Nathan Sparrow shook his head and fervently wished
the dull linoleum covered floor would open and swallow him up. “Does April Showers ring a bell?” Again, the
hapless Sparrow shook his head. “Well, for its worth, I’m April. And you’re
forgiven because it’s only been on the box a couple of months and I, for one,
wouldn’t bet on it seeing out many more.” She handed him the serviette.
“Nina Fox,” he read.
“And you are?”
“Nathan Sparrow.” They shook hands across the table and he
imagined a current passing between them, coursing through his veins…hers too,
he was sure of it… like a massive surge of electricity.
“May I have my hand back please?” She was laughing again
as, apologetically, he released her hand.
They started seeing each other now and then, usually at
weekends. Now and then soon became more often. Sometimes he’d even pick her up
from the television studio in his car since she didn’t enjoy driving in London
so relied on taxis most of the time. Invariably, he would have to wait until
filming had finished for the day but no one minded and he quickly got to know several
other members of the cast who treated him as one of their own. A television
studio was worlds apart from the offices where he worked as a partner in a
small but reputable firm of accountants. It fascinated him and gave him almost
as much of a buzz as being with Nina.
For the first time since the fire he began to relax and enjoy life
again. “I must seem very boring after all this TV stuff,” he put to her once.
“Darling,” she purred with a mischievous grin, “after all
this TV stuff, you’re a haven of peace and tranquillity.”
“Not boring?” he wasn’t convinced.
“How could a tall, handsome, sexy man possibly be boring,
even if he is an accountant?” She giggled and hadn’t resisted when he took her
in his arms and kissed her with a depth of passion he’d never known before,
even with Jane.
It was some time before he managed to tell Nina about the
fire. She listened quietly, without interruption. It was the first time he had
spoken about it in any detail to anyone, even Pip. Afterwards, they sat in
silence. Yet it was neither a strained nor awkward silence. He felt uplifted,
as if an enormous burden had been partially lifted from his shoulders. She
seemed to sense this, smiled sweetly and took both his hands in hers. Not one
word passed between them. Then, at last, the floodgates burst and he fell into
her arms crying like a baby.
Oh, he had shed tears before and plenty of them. But none
like these. Those others had been for wasted lives, lost opportunities, the
sheer tragedy and travesty of a perverse fate near choking him, like smoke,
with every breath he took… as if he’d been there himself, caught up in that
terrible inferno. Now, for the very first time, he wept for the reality…for
them all, as a family…Pip, John and, yes, Jane too. Most of all perhaps, he
wept for himself, Nathan Sparrow, and the more a wall he’d built around himself
crumbled, the closer he felt to Nina Fox.
The same evening, they left Nina’s little flat in Brixton
and he took her to meet Pip.
“Pip, darling, this is Nina. You and she are going to be
the best of friends, I just know it.”
Nina smiled and held out her hand to the pretty but oddly
prim looking child while feeling considerably more nervous than she had ever
felt at an audition. Neither did the stiff hand in hers or the girl’s expression
do anything to make her feel more at ease.
Pip’s mouth was smiling but her eyes darted daggers at this
strange woman around whose slim shoulders her father was already clasping a
protective if not possessive arm. Did
they take her for a fool? Her father’s
bringing this Fox woman home was an admission of intent. The woman, too, was
well aware of this. Pip could tell at once by the way she was trying too hard
to conceal the fact she was nervous and kept flinging Nathan intimate looks.
“I’m sure we’ll get along just fine, won’t we Pip?” If
Nina’s voice shook a little, Nathan gave no sign he had noticed.
Pip’s heart skipped a beat. It was as if the Fox woman had
read her mind. “I’m sure we will,” she lied, coolly withdrawing her hand from
Nina’s and flinging her father a broad, reassuring smile.
To be continued on Monday
