CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“You stupid
girl…! What are you trying to do, poison me? You know I take sugar in my tea.”
“Sorry,”
muttered Pip Sparrow as she handed the older woman a sugar bowl and abruptly
left the table.
“I know
you’re fond of the girl, Nina dear, but I really can’t think why. Frankly, she
gives me the creeps.” Pip heard Nina’s mother say as she closed the door. She
disliked Pat Fox with an intensity that sometimes frightened her. The woman had
only been staying a few days and there was already an appalling atmosphere.
Nina had managed to take some time off from shooting April Showers so she, Pip, was stuck with the pair of them since
school was closed for half term. Nor was it a coincidence, she was certain,
that her father had suddenly announced on the very first evening of Pat’s stay
that he had important business in Prague and would be leaving first thing in
the morning.
Having
tried calling several friends and getting no response, Pip decided to visit Sammy.
She had become fond of Nina’s cat and, besides, she might even catch Ray or his
friend Max Cutler. But what was she thinking? She wasn’t bothered about seeing
Ray, she only longed, passionately, for just a glimpse of Max. They had only
met once, in passing, when she had accompanied Nina to the flat some weeks
earlier. She had been so struck by his good looks, charm, and easy manner she
had even dreamed about him on several occasions. This alarmed her. She had
never dreamed about a boy in her life before. Even Zack Danvers, the school
captain who was invariably the favourite topic of gossip and chat among all the
girls, had never dared trespass into her dreams.
Neither
Zack nor Max could hold a candle to her father, of course, but that was only to
be expected. Her father was perfect and featured in her dreams all the time.
Only once
since the fire had she dreamed about her mother or brother and that had been a
nightmare. She had awoken, screaming, in her father’s bed. In spite of cuddling
up to him, his soothing voice washing over her like a friendly shower, the
horror had taken a long time to drain away and let her sleep. Even now, the
memory of that horror - she could recall nothing of the nightmare itself - made
her want to run and hide. Only, there was no hiding place. It was a sobering
thought, and not one upon which she had any inclination to dwell.
It didn’t
take long, on a double-decker bus, to reach the flat in Brixton. She knew where
Nina kept the front door key so obtaining a copy had posed no problem. Should
Nina ever discover she’d visited the flat alone, she would simply say she’d
come on impulse to see Sammy and found a window open. Nina would not believe
her of course but would almost certainly let the matter drop rather than risk
her father finding out that she had no more intention of having the cat put
down than selling the flat. A sly smile crossed the girl’s face. She’d have
told her father so herself had it not been to her own advantage to keep quiet.
Besides, it had to be useful to have a hold of sorts over someone…didn’t it?
Sammy,
accustomed to the girl’s visits, neither mewed nor came to investigate but
merely opened one eye, saw who it was, chose to ignore her completely and
continued snoozing on the kitchen windowsill. Forgetting the old cat was her
excuse for being here, Pip raided the fridge for a carton of cranberry juice
and a tub of chocolate ice cream. She was tucking in when she noticed the
mobile phone on the table and recognized it instantly. It belonged to Nina, who
was always misplacing it and had been complaining about not being able to find
it for days. Pip picked it up and idly keyed in to see who Nina had been
calling recently when sounds above made her start. She could hear people moving
about; people, not just one person. Her heart leapt. That meant Ray was at
home, possibly Max too since they were mates. Hastily draining her glass and
finishing off the last scoop of ice cream, she made her way to the communal
hall and upstairs. She heard raised voices, both male. Then everything went
very quiet.
For a while
she sat on the top stair considering a variety of excuses for knocking on the
door. Having finally settled on one she got up and knocked. No one replied but,
to her surprise, the door swung slightly ajar. Knowing how security conscious
Ray was about Nina’s flat, it seemed odd, to say the least, that he could be so
careless about his own.
Intrigued,
but only slightly concerned, Pip entered.
The first
thing that entered Pip’s head was that Nina’s flat was by far the nicer of the
two regarding décor and furnishings. But this one had a sense and smell of
masculinity that she found to her liking. She thought she heard noises and
tiptoed close to a door on her right. It did not occur to her to call out or,
if it did, she dismissed the idea out of hand.
The sure knowledge that she had no right to be there gave her a
delicious thrill. Adrenalin coursed her veins and stroked her skin with a
sensuality she was loath to surrender.
This door,
too, was ajar. Pip peeped inside. Her eyes widened and the adrenalin pumped
even faster as, a little frightened but fascinated nonetheless, she observed
the sexual antics of two men on the bed. The man on his back, she recognized at
once as Ray Bannister. Of the other, his body lifted at an angle, she only had
a rear view but commonsense told her it had to be Max Cutler.
She hadn’t
realized either man was gay. Nor had she quite grasped that two men could enjoy
sex together. Until now, gay sex had meant nothing more or less than juicy playground
gossip about a teacher at the school and whether his partner was male or female
since no one seemed to know for sure. Whether or not there was any truth in it,
the rumour continued to spread and had recently homes in on another male
teacher. But this…this was no idle gossip or rumour; this was the real
thing.
So, Ray and Max are lovers. Who’d
have guessed?
Putting aside her own feelings for Max Cutler, Pip continued to watch as the
two men huffed and puffed and grunted their way to a climax like two pigs
rutting. The image amused her, and she would carry it in her head for years.
Both men
cried out almost simultaneously. Cutler collapsed in a heap on his back beside
his lover. Both men were sweating profusely. The same male odour of which Pip
had caught but a whiff earlier now swamped her nostrils, filled her mouth, made
her pulse race. Fairly intoxicated with it, she felt light headed and stumbled
slightly against the door, causing it to creak. The sound, barely audible,
rampaged through her head like stampede of frightened animals.
“What was
that? I thought I heard something…” Cutler sat up and listened, suspicion and
alarm written all over the handsome face.
Pip
retreated as fast as tiptoeing would allow.
“Why do you
always have to spoil things?” Ray Bannister muttered crossly, “Do you have to
be so on edge all the time. Anyone would think we were doing something wrong.
Are you ashamed of me or what?”
“Don’t
start, Ray, I’m not in the mood.”
“But you
are, aren’t you, ashamed of us I mean?”
“Of course
not...” But even to Pip, the words range hollow.
“So why
can’t we tell people about us instead of sneaking around like a couple of
crooks in the night?”
“It’s the
middle of the afternoon,” Max pointed out.
“You know
damn well what I mean so don’t get clever, it doesn’t suit you.”
“No?” Max
laughed.
“No,” said
Bannister earnestly, “you’re better than that. Why can’t you take life
seriously sometimes, me too while you’re about it?”
“I do take
you seriously, of course I do, or I wouldn’t be here now would I?” Cutler
leaned across and kissed the other man on the mouth but wriggled free when Ray
flung his arms around his neck and responded fiercely. “Now who’s spoiling
things?” he remarked dryly, leapt out of bed and proceeded, hastily, to get
dressed.
Pip
wondered what she should do next. It
would be better for everyone, she knew perfectly well, if she were to dismiss
what she had seen from her mind, never refer to it again and return immediately
to the flat below. She even got as far as the landing and was in the act of
closing the door behind her… but couldn’t quite bring herself to shut it.
How could
she turn her back on such a cool situation? Hadn’t she seen two men having sex?
Wasn’t she now a party to their secret? Didn’t she have a responsibility
to…what? It made no sense to simply walk
away and pretend the incident had never happened. This was life in the raw. She
hadn’t felt so exhilarated since…the fire.
Briefly,
her excitement ebbed. It was as if she had been bathing in brilliant sunshine
and a passing cloud had cruelly obliterated her. “Not me, silly, the sun,” she
told the shiny door handle before turning it again and re-entering the flat.
This time she was about to call out, “Ray?”
But before she could so much as open her mouth, the noise of a toilet
being flushed in the bathroom brought with it a mad rush of second thoughts.
She
panicked and hid behind a sofa.
Max Cutler
emerged from the bathroom just as Ray came out of the bedroom. Both entered the
living room without saying a word. Ray flung himself into an armchair while Max
sprawled across the sofa. Pip could hear his heavy breathing. It excited her to
imagine his hairy chest heaving under a shirt that he might or might not be
wearing, she couldn’t see. On balance, it suited her to imagine him naked, just
as she had seen him minutes earlier. He had draped one arm across the back of
the sofa and she could smell his sweat, almost taste it on her tongue.
At
fourteen, Pip often fantasized about sex with a man. But the shadowy figure in
her imagination had always closely resembled her father. Now, she considered
the prospect of Max Cutler dominating her, riding her just as he had Ray
Bannister. Suddenly, she hated Ray. She had never liked him much when they were
next-door neighbours but the lively Bannister family were marginally more
interesting than the dull Pikes who lived on the other side. She had never been
able to see, for the life of her, why her brother Johnny chose Billy Pike for
his best friend; the two boys were as different as chalk and cheese.
“Fancy a
sandwich?” Ray asked, if only to break the uncomfortable silence. It was always
the same after they made love. Max would fret and sulk and it would be left to
him to pick up the pieces.
“Not
particularly,” Max declared airily, “but if you’re making some, a ham doorstep
will do me fine.”
“It
shouldn’t be like this Max,” Ray protested.
“Like
what?”
“Like you
regret what we just did, like you’re ashamed of me.”
“Of course
I’m not ashamed of you. Why do you keep saying that? How many times do I have
to tell you I…”
“Love me?”
“I
suppose…”
“Go on
then, say it. Tell me you love me.”
“I
shouldn’t have to say it,” retorted Max angrily, “You know damn well how I feel
about you.”
“That’s
just it, I don’t.”
“For crying
out loud, Ray, we’ve just had fantastic sex. What more proof do you need that I
have feelings for you?”
“I want us
to go public.”
“Oh, change
the record, Ray. You know I can’t do that.”
“Can’t or
won’t?”
“Okay,
won’t. You know I’m attracted to women. I’ve never made any secret of it. You
also know I’m going places. I’ve never made any secret of that either. I know
how to give a woman a good time. In return, she can damn well give yours truly
due consideration too. Isn’t that fair? Take
Nina, she can pull strings. More importantly, she knows guys who can pull even
better strings. She gets her kicks and I get an opportunity to go somewhere, be
somebody.”
“So why not
just sleep with the guys yourself and be done with it?” hissed Ray scathingly.
“Because,
my dear Raymond, you’re the only man for me. I don’t want another man in my
life. Women…well, women don’t really count, they’re just a means to an end. But
you…you’re special.”
“Does that
mean you love me?”
“It means I
could murder a ham sandwich.” Max roared with laughter.
Behind the
sofa, Pip could feel his whole body shaking. She wanted to laugh too and thrust
a fist in her mouth. It wouldn’t do to be caught now. She heard the sound of a
door slamming. Given its direction, she could only assume Ray had gone into the
kitchen. Max stayed put and, after a short while, began to snore.
It seemed
ages before Ray returned. “Wake up, sleepyhead. I’ve made us two ham doorsteps
each and a pot of tea.”
“Did you say tea? Who wants bloody tea?” Max took his time replying and
yawned after practically each syllable. “I need something stronger than tea and
I know just the thing…”
“No Max,
you promised. Look, have a doorstep instead…”
“Stuff your
f***ing doorsteps and stuff you, you f***ing nerd.”
“You don’t
mean that?”
“I just
said it, didn’t I?”
“You
certainly know how to make a guy feel wanted.”
“Right now,
all I want is some coke and if you’ve got any sense you’ll join me.”
“No Max,
please. That stuff is dangerous.”
“So is
crossing the road.” Max clambered to his feet, “Now, I need the bathroom.”
“You don’t
care about anything or anyone, do you, just yourself?”
“Give me
strength! Don’t be such a drama queen. Talking of which, you can put that knife
down too. You’re not in the kitchen now so you can drop the Delia Smith act.”
“You don’t
love me at all, do you? Everything’s just a game to you.”
“Stop
fussing and get out of my way. What the…? You’ve nicked my arm, damn you. Come
on, Ray, give me the knife before you do some real damage.”
“We’re
living in the twenty-first century Max. No one cares who’s sleeping with whom
any more. If we tell people, you’ll see I’m right.”
“How many
more times do I have to tell you?” Max yelled, “I don’t want people knowing.
For a start it’s none of their damn business.”
“And it
might get back to mummy…” Ray shouted back and even Pip, who couldn’t see a
thing, could tell he was close to tears. “We can’t have that, can we?” he
sobbed after a pregnant pause, “Mummy wouldn’t like it would she? Mummy would
cut off your allowance. That’s who you’re afraid of, not ‘people’ just mummy.
Call yourself a man? You’re pathetic, Max, pathetic!”
“If she
didn’t cut off my allowance, she’d cut off my balls for sure,” Max tried to
make light of the situation but his voice was strained and sounded curiously
guttural to Pip’s keen ear.
“Balls,
what balls? You haven’t got any. You’re just a fucking mummy’s boy!” Ray
scoffed.
A long
pause followed during which the silence became unbearable for Pip and she
almost showed herself in an attempt to shatter its suffocating tension.
Suddenly, it was as if it had been slashed into pieces by the knife in Ray
Bannister’s hand. She listened to the two men fighting for several minutes. It
was almost as exhilarating as watching them in bed together. Then one of them
gave a long, heartfelt cry before rushing from the room. She heard the flat
door slam, heavy footsteps thundering down the stairs, the front door crashing
shut then, and only then, someone groaning as if in pain.
The
groaning continued.
Curiosity
finally getting the better of her nerves, Pip risked peering over the sofa. Ray
Bannister was lying on the floor in a pool of blood, eyes closed, a knife stuck
in his belly. “Ray?” She broke cover and
rushed to kneel beside the prostrate form that slowly forced open both eyes
before attempting to speak.
“Help me,”
he whispered, and then closed his eyes again as blood started to trickle from
his nose. .
Pip
remembered Nina’s mobile phone nestling in her pocket and took it out and
started to key 999 with a shaking hand. .Suddenly, she stopped and stared at
the phone as if seeing it for the first time.
“Help me,
please…” Ray Bannister moaned softly. Pip watched him for several minutes. He
neither spoke again nor opened his eyes while continuing to bleed profusely.
The glimmer
of an appalling idea brushed Pip’s subconscious, shot forward, skimmed her
conscious mind a while and came to rest, a tiny ball of thought in a large,
dark, otherwise empty pocket.
She went to
the landline phone and called Nina’s work number. A woman answered then put her
on hold. It seemed ages before she heard Nina’s voice.
“Pip…? This had better be good. You know how I hate
being called at the studio.”
“I’m at
your old flat. I know I shouldn’t, sorry. But never mind that now. I think
Sammy’s sick. He’s not moving. Maybe he’s
dead, I don’t know. Can you come right away? Good. How long will it take you…?”
She replaced the receiver and its click sounded unnaturally loud. Next, she
called her father on Nina’s mobile, careful to hold the phone away from her
mouth. “Yes, it’s me, Nina. I’m at my old flat. Can you meet me here as soon as
you can? Something’s happened. I need
you to come right away. No, it can’t wait. Yes, it is important, very
important, a matter of life and death. Good. How long will it take you…?”
It was as
she thought. It would take Nina a good half an hour to arrive and her father at
least forty-five minutes. She returned to Ray, knelt beside him, grasped the
handle of the carving knife with both hands…and pulled.
If Ray
Bannister’s screams sounded deafening to his own ears, all Pip heard was a
horrible gurgling sound. His eyes flew open and he recognized the figure
leaning over him. “Pip…? Help me, Pip,” he pleaded. Then he saw the knife in
her hand, now poised in mid-air, now plunging towards him. “No-oooooooooo!” He
screamed each time the blade descended, driven remorselessly into his body only
to be pulled out again. In unspeakable agony, he counted three such thrusts
before finally closing his eyes and surrendering to the sheer bliss of
painlessness.
Pip wiped
the handle of the knife clean with a handkerchief, rose unsteadily to her feet
and calmly took stock. The blood on her clothes didn’t matter, she decided.
There was so much blood that it was only to be expected. But the sticky red
stuff on her hands and arms made her feel sick so she helped herself to a glass
of vodka from the drinks cabinet. It tasted foul. She pulled a face and
spluttered. Even so, the liquid heat did the trick. She soon felt much better. Making
her way only a little unsteadily into the kitchen, she went to the sink and
washed her hands, and then kept the tap running while letting cold water run
over her bare, blood stained arms.
Finally, she returned to the same sofa she had been crouched behind less than
ten minutes earlier and sat down. She called her father again twice on Nina’s
phone. Calling Nina on the land line was somewhat distasteful since she had to
step over the body. “Needs must as the devil drives”, she reminded herself.
“I’m
sorry,” a brisk, efficient voice informed her, “Miss Fox has been called away.
Can I take a message?” Pip replaced the receiver.
She called
the police minutes before she judged Nina would arrive. She would tell them how
she had been in the kitchen when she heard Nina and Ray arguing. By the time
she had run into the living room Nina was kneeling over him, the carving knife
in her hand. Who would disbelieve her? Not her father, certainly. And he would
be here soon. He’d see to it that she was all right. Didn’t he always? Besides,
it was high time things were as they should be and she had him all to herself
again.
The
doorbell rang. It was not until she was opening the door that it crossed her
mind how unusual it was for Nina to forget her key.
“Pip, what
on earth has happened? You’re covered in blood…” Without waiting for an answer,
Nathan Sparrow pushed past her and ran into the living room. “Oh, my God…!” He
checked for a pulse and found none. Then he saw the knife lying on the floor
beside the dead man and, without thinking, picked it up. Pip stood beside him,
whimpering. Then they heard a car draw up outside the house. Pip, confused and
frightened now, began to cry. It dawned on her only vaguely that she had
forgotten to shut the communal front door.
“What’s
been going on here then?” asked the young policeman who stood in the doorway.
“Has anyone
called for an ambulance?” his female colleague wanted to know.
Pip broke
free from father’s protective hands gripping both shoulders, ran into the
kitchen and was violently sick.
The body on
the floor moved slightly and Ray Bannister’s bloodied mouth uttered a gurgling
sound. Nathan Sparrow leaned closer and put an ear to the dying man’s
lips. Barely sixty seconds later he
stood up and confronted the police officers grim faced and shaking. His tone,
though, remained steady. “I didn’t mean to kill him. But I suppose you’ll have
to arrest me…” It was not a question.
